TEN ELEVEN QUICK TIPS TO LIVING YOUR LIFE WHEN YOUR LOVER IS LOCKED UP

1. Decide whether you are going to be in shame or in love.
2. Lay out the realistic expectations for the relationship in terms of interaction with others. Your rules are your rules.
3. Cut your time down in smaller pieces. Don't think in terms of the end of the line. Think in terms of the beginning of the next day.
4. Take undo pressure off yourself. Plan a visit, call, and writing schedule you can stick to.
5. Find creative ways to communicate. Everything in the free world can be adapted to your world.
   
6. Redefine intimacy. It's a matter of the heart, not of the anatomy.
7. Plan a life together. Do not live a life apart.
8. Build a strong support system.
9. Realize this sentence is a part of your life. It's not your whole life.
10. Stay optimistic. You can make it.
11. If you can't control it, let it go.

THRIVE DON'T JUST SURVIVE

• Rule #1 - Learn everything you can about his facility and its rules. You can't advocate in ignorance. Know what all the rules are supposed to be. Keep track of new laws and legislation that might affect your sentence. How will you learn this? Most of your information will come from other partners who have gone before you and then you must do your due diligence and research.
• Being a good prisoner's wife, girlfriend, or partner starts from the outside in, not inside out. You can not give your husband, boyfriend, or partner EVERYTHING and then figure out how to maintain the home. Keep a roof over your head and food in your mouth and if you are deciding between paying the phone bill and paying the rent, consider this: If you lose your livelihood, he still has somewhere to stay and he still has something to eat. What will you have?
  
• Misery begets misery. If you decide to have a miserable life, you will have a miserable life.
  
• Stop whining and accept your life. Normal is what is routine to you. 
• Do not compare your relationship to others. Everyone does time differently.
  
• Go with the flow. Rules change frequently, with and without notice, with and without justification.
  
• Visit time is more important than proving a point to a CO. Do not spend thirty minutes or more explaining, complaining, and demanding a higher up while precious visit time ticks away. Settle it after the fact, if you can.
  
• It's natural to want to isolate yourself. It's even okay to wallow a bit, as long as you wallow with a get-up-off-your-butt action plan. Staying home, declining all invitations and turning people away will not make you feel better, just the opposite as your time will linger on. Do not lock yourself away. One prisoner in the family is enough. 
• Do not let friends talk you out of your confidence. Live your life, not the one they have planned for you.
• Your truth is more powerful than someone else's lie. This doesn't mean shouting your partner's status from the roof tops. Let's face it. People are judgmental, rude and downright mean. Some might be in a position to make your life unbearable causing the lost of a job or tenancy. Never lie to make anyone feel okay with your life. Tell your story and let their judgments and comments fall on deaf ears as you walk away, strong and proud.